In ancient Hawaiian and Polynesian traditions, ho'oponopono is used by healers to bring those in their care back to health and happiness. It is a way of working with people that seeks to help them live in harmony, not just with themselves, but with those around them and with the larger systems of the world.
Ho'oponopono in Hawaiian culture
Ho'oponopono means to make right with the people with whom you have relationships - that includes of course yourself, your family and relatives, your friends and other loved ones, and life itself. The underlying idea is that when there is something in your life that is out of harmony, something that has become corrupted or twisted or locked up or burned out, you become sick. This sickness may express in your body, your emotions, your thoughts, and your relationships, and only goes away when you have undone the problem and restored harmony.
Ho'oponopono is not about saying you're sorry, or asking other people for forgiveness. It is about recognising those places inside where you are holding guilt, shame, resentment, anger, hatred, bitterness, judgement, and so on, and letting go of these destructive energies. Sometimes, it means you have to forgive someone in your past. Sometimes, it means you have to forgive yourself, for not having been perfect, for having made mistakes, for having acted poorly, for letting yourself down and for hurting others. Always, it means you have to let go. These energies, these emotions, poison your life. In the same way, you have to let go of old patterns and habits, rules that you may have made or learned that keep you from being yourself and living life in a healthy way. You can learn to make new habits, ones that increase harmony, that make it easier for you to become happy.
There is a modern version of ho'oponopono, developed only in 1992 by Ihaleakala Hew Len, a student of Hawaiian kahuna Morrhah Simeona, who herself had already modernized ho'oponopono to include ideas about negative karma. Ihaleakala is the one who developed the popular idea of saying, "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you," when dealing with difficult people or situations in life. This idea is now often associated with the word ho'oponopono, but while many people find it very effective, it is far removed from the ancient healing method.
Ho'oponopono in my practise
Although I initially learned this ancient principle under a different name, ho'oponopono is a guiding tenet in my practise. In working with both individuals and formal groups, I sense out the greater harmonies, and where in the current situation dissonance is created. Practically, that can mean someone needs to let go of old pain, an idea that was once true (or that was never true), needs to gain a greater understanding or compassion ... any number of things that addresses the core of the problem, and brings it back into balance. The tools I use, such as past lives, a deep awareness of people's past and subconscious processes, the details of the energies between people, just give me a broader scope and a better change of pinpointing the cause of the problem. From there, it becomes easier to chart a path to restoring the greater harmony.
Traditionally, in the island cultures where it originated, Ho'oponopono is conducted in a family setting, where every member of the family participates in a ritual of mutual forgiveness and reconcilliation. This worked well when you live in small group settings where everybody shares the same cultural norms. It works less well when you live in current day society, and relatives are not willing or available to work on your problems, or your difficulty is with someone else entirely. Fortunately, you don't need to wait for your whole family to begin ho'oponopono, restoring rightness and harmony in your life. In fact, unless your problem is specifically within a (romantic, friendship, collegial) relationship context, I recommend leaving other people out of your process, and taking responsibility for your own ho'oponopono.
There is no need to write long letters to dead relatives, or "talk it out" with parents, or "confront" your offender. Those things often only cause greater conflict within you and them. Instead, there is a need to focus inside yourself, and bring yourself back into harmony. That means facing your anger, facing your fears and weaknesses, and letting them go. It means making better life choices, and learning to communicate better. It means making your emotions and thoughts healthy again, and opening your heart. If those others at some point also want to go through this process, that is up to them, and does not affect your process at all. Your happiness does not depend on other people's willingness to change. It depends on you, and your commitment to being in harmony within your life.